Bound by the Past Read online

  He shook his head, certain he hadn’t heard her right. She thought he wasn’t attracted to her. That she didn’t ooze passion and sex out of every pore of her delectable body.

  “So thanks for the nice words and kiss, but you don’t have to worry, I don’t expect anything more. Nothing’s changed. We’re still friends.”

  “The hell we are!” he shouted, speaking with more heat than he’d intended. She flinched as if he’d hit her. “Don’t say another word.” He opened his door and circled the car to hers. “Get out.”

  She got out of the car stiffly, unsure how to react to his angry response. Grabbing her hand, he half-led, half-dragged her to her front door, barely keeping himself in check.

  “Where’s your key?” He grabbed it from her when she attempted to hand it over. Her hands were shaking now but he was too far gone to care. Reilly had lured the bear out of its den this afternoon and her comments had poked it into a fury.

  Once he had the front door open, he followed her in, latching it behind them.

  Warily, she turned to him. “Jon?”

  He didn’t reply to the question in her voice. “Upstairs.”

  He was slightly surprised when she followed his command without refusal. Having been in her home numerous times, he knew exactly where her bedroom was. When they reached the top of the stairs, she paused until he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her toward her room.

  Upon reaching his destination, he stood in the doorway as she moved away from him to the center of the room. Obviously she’d had enough time to gather her wits and she rounded on him, fury evident in her face.

  “What the hell is wrong with you today?” She yanked off her jacket and threw it across the room.

  Still angry, he was itching for a fight. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me. You!” He pointed a finger at her before divesting himself of his own leather coat. “You’re what’s wrong with me, but you know what, Blue Eyes? I’m about to correct that.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She backed away slowly but he matched her step for step.

  “I’m talking about the fact that you are so fucking blind to your own beauty you can’t see when a man is attracted to you. That was no goddamn pity kiss. If you can’t tell the difference, then it’s obvious you need to be taught a lesson about kissing.”

  “Lesson?”

  He halted her retreat by grabbing her upper arms and pulling her toward his chest.

  “Lesson.” His lips descended on hers in a kiss that her insecure mind could never mistake for pity or friendship. It was an outright possession, an unreserved claiming. His tongue explored her mouth and his teeth nipped lightly at her lips as his hands moved up to cup her face, holding her still for his amorous assault.

  And an assault is exactly what it was. He gave her no quarter, no reprieve, no opportunity to misunderstand his meaning this time. She was not going to be his friend or his girl next door.

  She was going to be his.

  When he lifted his lips from hers, he saw such a mixture of emotion in her eyes that he didn’t know what to respond to first—the confusion, the fear or the yearning. Both of them were breathing heavily, so he allowed her to take one step back. He needed to give her time to consider his actions, his intentions, his longings. He was finished fighting the past. Tired of being bound to that endless hell. He wanted a future.

  Clearly she read his objective without words, because he saw her eyes widen with the realization.

  “Come here.” He deliberately softened his tone, not wanting to frighten her any more.

  “Why?”

  “Come here, Carly.”

  “Jon…” She was obviously stalling for time, but his patience was in tatters. Refusing to listen to any more of her rambling diatribes, he grabbed her roughly, pushing her back against the nearest wall. His lips cut off her protest, taking hers as if his life depended on stealing all the breath in her body.

  She was stunned motionless for several moments before he felt something give way. She succumbed to his intense kiss. Her hands slid slowly up his chest, continuing until his grip on her upper arms loosened enough that she could wrap them around his neck, her hands pulling his hair, keeping his lips on hers.

  Unwilling to give up control of the kiss, his own hands traveled down her back until he reached her buttocks, firmly gripping each cheek and pulling her toward him, grinding his hard erection into her soft stomach.

  She seemed shocked by the intimacy of his actions. Pulling back, she looked at him with blue eyes clouded with confusion…and lust. “Jon?”

  “No. No more talking.” Taking her lips again, he effectively halted anything she might have said. She’d had her say in the car—now he was going to prove her words false. Lightly nipping her lower lip, he thrust his tongue into her mouth, moving it in time with the thrusting of his hips against hers, leaving her no question where tonight would lead them.

  Slowly, he moved his kiss away from her now swollen lips, dragging them over her soft cheek to her ear, uncaring if his rough five o’clock shadow was scraping her. He felt an overwhelming desire to mark her. He tickled her ear with his tongue before biting the lobe gently. Ignoring her gasp, he moved farther down, pressing moist kisses and sharp nips along her throat until he reached the opening of her blouse.

  She was whimpering in his arms now, her hips thrusting toward him, unconsciously trying to find something to fill her. The thought undid him.

  Without a word, he stepped away and gripped both sides of her shirt. He ripped it open in one fast movement. The sound of buttons bouncing on the floor and the rending of material filled the air, drowned out their harsh breathing.

  “God, Jon.” Her chest rose and fell rapidly as he watched her struggle to catch her breath. Her large, porcelain breasts were perfectly framed by a lacy bra.

  “Jesus.” He stepped back as he got his first real look at the luscious body she kept hidden beneath her conservative work clothing.

  She blushed under his intense study and attempted to cover herself with the remains of her blouse, but his strong hands on her wrists stilled her motions. Holding her hands away from her body, he continued to worship her with his gaze. She had the kind of tits a man could suck on for a lifetime and never get his fill.

  “What did you expect?” Her voice shook with nervous laughter as she once again mistook his silence. “I’m nearly forty.”

  She was trying to cover up her anxiety with humor, but he simply couldn’t let her escape this moment in that way. “You’re only thirty-two and a goddess.”

  She snorted with disbelief. Heat rose in Jon’s cheeks. He was surprised she didn’t hear the final nail being driven into her coffin.

  “That does it.” His anger returned full force. Reaching behind her, he unclasped her bra, pulling it and her torn blouse from her body before she realized his intentions.

  For the first time in a lifetime, he felt like the Jon he used to be. The master lover resurfaced and threatened to overtake him. For years, he’d kept the beast at bay, burying his dominant desires deep inside. He hadn’t been a monk, but he hadn’t been his true self either. When he’d needed, he and Night found willing bed partners but the sex was always light—merely a means to an end. When they couldn’t find a willing partner, they’d bought one, but even then he’d refused to let the demons out.

  Now his control was shattered. He stood in front of Carly—his friend, his fantasy, his future—and her denial drove him over the edge. It was his last finger hold on sanity that finally prompted him to speak.

  “Carly.” His voice was thick with his lust. “Say no now. I won’t ask again.”

  “I-I…” He watched the gravity of his words sink in.

  “Now, Carly. Say it now.” He leaned closer, his hands running through her lovely chestnut-brown hair. If she asked him to leave, somehow he would, but she needed to ask right now. Another minute in her presence and he couldn’t make the same guarantee.
r />   “Jon, please…I want you.” His inner beast felt like howling as she reached out to him.

  He forced the words “trust me” out before pulling her into his embrace. No longer willing to hold anything back, he touched her everywhere, exploring, roaming, learning her secrets. Bending down, he took her rose-colored nipple into his mouth, sucking gently before biting the tip. At her gasp of pain, he soothed her with a gentle rasp of his tongue. He moved to her other breast, repeating his motions. This time when he bit down, she moaned.

  “Beautiful.”

  She tugged roughly at his hair, obviously torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer. After several moments worshipping her breasts, his hands moved to the button of her jeans. She shuddered, leaving Jon to wonder if it was due to fear or excitement. As he looked up at her face, he decided perhaps a little of both. He’d never shown her this side of himself. To her, he was sweet, affable, easygoing Jon. This man and the intensity he’d kept hidden for so many years had her reeling, struggling to adjust and keep up.

  Smiling to himself, he refused to make it easy on her. She’d driven him crazy tonight and he was ready to get back some of his own. “You’ve been a naughty girl, Carly.” He grasped the zipper tab to her jeans and pulled it down. “I think it’s time for another lesson.”

  She was gasping as she gripped his wrists. “Wait, Jon. Too fast. This is all too fast.”

  “No, Blue Eyes. I gave you an out. You didn’t take it. It’s too late for that now.” He pulled her jeans and panties down in one sweep. “Step up. Let’s get rid of these pants.”

  Obeying without question, she toed off her tennis shoes before kicking the jeans away. Again she tried to cover herself but he grabbed her hands and roughly placed them at her sides. “Leave them there.” His voice was hard, firm, and he felt his dominant nature continue to drive him on.

  “That hardly seems fair.” Her playful voice reemerged. He rejoiced at her easy capitulation to his controlling disposition. One look at her face convinced him she was more than ready for the ride he was about to take her on. “Here I am naked and you’re still fully dressed.”

  “I’ll take my clothes off soon enough. First, I want to look at you.”

  She protested and her hands rose.

  “If you move your hands again, Blue Eyes, I’ll tie them behind your back.”

  He wanted to crow when he watched her squeeze her thighs together at his threat. It was just as he’d suspected. His lively little secretary was a closet submissive and not at all opposed to a bit of kinky bed play. Twice now she’d responded to his threats. It was clear she wouldn’t resist light bondage or a sensual spanking.

  Groaning inwardly, his already-too-tight jeans constricted around his rock-hard erection even more. He couldn’t remember ever wanting a woman more than Carly in his entire life. Yearnings he’d refused to set loose in years were suddenly chomping at the bit, ready to be given free rein.

  For a split second he wished Night were here with them. Jolted by the thought, he tried to cast it aside but in his mind’s eye he could see Night standing behind her, holding her lovely large breasts up to his mouth, feeding her tight, hard nipples to him. He shook the thought away.

  Sitting on her bed, he patted his lap, beckoning her. “Come here, sweetheart. I think I promised you a lesson.”

  She moved slowly forward before stopping in front of him, looking uncertain. He offered no reprieve as he surprised her by quickly pulling her down and cradled her on his lap. He captured her head in his hands and kissed her once more, lighter this time, slower, more thoroughly.

  When he sensed her acquiescence to his gentle kisses, he changed the pace, gripping her upper arm and tugging her until she was facedown over his lap.

  Before she could respond, he lightly smacked her bare bottom.

  “Hey,” she squeaked in protest, but he merely struck her again. Three quick slaps followed as she squirmed.

  “This will go a lot easier if you don’t fight me.” His calloused hand rubbed lightly on her now-reddened cheeks. “I told you earlier you would earn a punishment with your self-deprecating comments. You didn’t disappoint me.” With that, he spanked her twice more.

  “God, Jon, yes!” His actions were turning her on—she started to anticipate his slaps and move into them. Slowly he moved his hand to the slit between her legs, sliding a finger through the undeniable proof.

  “You’re so hot and wet, baby. A man could swim in there.” Her entire body shivered at his touch.

  “Please…” Her hips moved toward his touch, silently begging for more.

  “Not yet.” He planted another light pat on her rear end. “Does this feel like friendship, Carly?” His fingers moved back to her drenched passage, teasing her with light touches.

  “No.”

  “Do you still think you’re undesirable?”

  “No.” She whimpered as he ran a light finger over he clit, stroking it.

  “Is this passion?” He refused to let her continue to think of herself as a woman who couldn’t drive a man to lust. Driving a finger into her hot, wet warmth, he repeated the question. “Is this passion?”

  “Yes.” She hissed the word at him as an orgasm ripped through her quivering body. He felt her inner muscles grip his finger and he was amazed at her intense reaction. She’d come from no more than a spanking, his words and a single touch.

  “Sweet Jesus.” He felt mystified and gratified to have found her.

  Once her body stilled, he picked her up and placed her on the bed. He lay beside her and smiled when she curled into him easily, resting her head on his chest. Glancing down, he realized he was still fully dressed and fully aroused. She seemed to come to the same realization.

  Smiling shyly, she looked up into his face. “Sorry.”

  He chuckled at her apology. “Oh, so you noticed I was here.”

  “That was amazing.” Her voice was filled with awe.

  “Yes, it was.”

  “But you didn’t…I mean, you never…you know.”

  “The night is still young.”

  “Oh, right. But…” She grinned at him and Jon felt his heart stop for a moment. “You’re still dressed.”

  “I suppose we should take care of that small fact since it seems to be such a sticking point for you.”

  He rose from the bed and pulled his shirt over his head. He heard her sigh as she looked at his chest. He found himself feeling foolishly relieved she found him attractive. He quickly divested himself of his shoes, pants and boxers. Once he was totally naked, he glanced down to look at her face.

  She was completely still. Jon noted she’d begun biting her lower lip, a sure sign she was nervous.

  “That bad?”

  “You’re huge.”

  He grinned at her praise and teasingly flexed his arm muscles. “You think so?”

  He laughed until he realized she wasn’t smiling. She was never without a smile and he moved quickly to grab her trembling hands in his own. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

  “Jon, you’re huge,” she repeated as she turned away from him, hastily covering herself with the comforter on the bed.

  “Whoa.” Now that he had her where he wanted her, he refused to allow her to pull away. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  “God, look at you. I’m not really sure…”

  While he was probably on the large side of average, he’d never had any complaints about his size physically hurting anyone. He struggled not to smile and hoped he never ran into her ex-husband. Apparently Adam was lacking somewhat in the cock department. “It’ll be fine, Blue Eyes. I promise.”

  She looked at him suspiciously before blushing furiously. “Shit, I’ve really killed the moment here, haven’t I?”

  He grinned at her question but Carly didn’t smile back.

  “Jon, this is a mistake. Surely you realize that?”

  “Back up, sweetheart. What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Um, hello Jon. Tak
e a look at us. We’re too different. I’m at least twenty pounds overweight, my breasts sag and my thighs are thick as tree trunks. Meanwhile, you’ve got honest-to-God washboard abs. I mean, you could be the next James Bond.”

  “And what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?”

  “I’m about as sexy as a toothbrush. Surely you’re used to women who actually know what to do in the bedroom. I think I just let it slip that my past experiences don’t even come close to measuring up to your expectations.”

  “That’s funny. I don’t remember discussing my expectations but since you’ve brought it up, let’s talk about them. I expect you to believe me when I say you’re gorgeous. I expect you to be brave enough to take a chance on what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to either of us. I expect you to trust me when I say you are a fucking wet dream come true and if you really believe all that bullshit you said in the car about guys looking at you as nothing more than a buddy, you’re a damn fool. Why don’t you tell me the real reason you’re backing away from this, Carly? Why can’t you believe me when I tell you you’re beautiful and that I want you?”

  Shaking her head, she seemed to be fighting tears. He should feel remorse for his harsh words, but he couldn’t regret them. If she sent him away now, he’d fall apart. Something he’d never done. Not even during the darkest days of his life with the cult. Overcome with panic, he refused to listen to any response she might make. Not when there was the slightest chance she’d refuse him.

  Reaching out, he pulled her under him in one smooth move. Without thought to his actions, he quickly touched her clit. Wet and ready, he slowly but steadily thrust into her. She was small and tight and his conscience screamed at him for his impulsive action. Once he was fully-seated, he paused briefly to make sure he hadn’t hurt her and felt the dark clouds lift when her hips rose, urging him to further movement. With her silent surrender, he gave up his hard-earned control and gave in to the devils driving him.

  Pounding into her with all the passion in his body, he gave her no respite. Twice he heard her screams, felt her coming around him, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t give up the heaven that was her body gripping and pulsing around him. At last, released his hold on his own orgasm as he poured his seed deep inside her. She came with him a final time.